I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
