Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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