How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
