my vag is so smooth its legendary
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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