i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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