So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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