Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
