Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
