I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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