barbara walters just said penis...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
