When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
