like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
