i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
