I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
