dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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