Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
