On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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