yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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