Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
