the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
