this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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