Already got asked if we're dating
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
