someone threw a dead crab at me
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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