it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
