She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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