you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
