Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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