it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
