Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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