if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
