dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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