just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
