One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
