OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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