do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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