what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
