Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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