do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize