well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
