Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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