Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
