We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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