you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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