so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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