The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
