i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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