I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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