YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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