i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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