You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
