until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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