True but thats because hes a fetus.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
