I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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