Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
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i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
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It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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