Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
