u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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