we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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