you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
