he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
