remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
