So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
