Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
