I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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