Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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