It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
