I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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