Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
