Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He better not be in your backpack
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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