I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
