I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
