those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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