i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
