He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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