question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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