i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We named our party play list daddy issues
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
