& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
