Welp...herpes.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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