Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
