I wish my penis had an off switch
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
There r osticjed everywhere
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
